Draft: Beginning of the second phase of my life, professor !Monday, November 23, 202011:36 AM

Draft: Beginning of the second phase of my life, professor !

Monday, November 23, 2020

11:36 AM

Professor,

I now can distinguish the real person you from the voice you that was in me all the while.

It was about the time when I disconnected my OneNote.

Leonardo voice said to me If you hate God you will come to love Him. Be indifferent to Jesus and you will come to love Him. 

I believed it at first then the next morning, it struck me weird and odd.

It somehow didn't make sense.

So I started to try to figure out if the voices in me were evil or not.

Now it has been about a month or two since I stopped conversing with the voices.

they were evil.

I had devil attacks ever since that would mire me almost completely but God was good to me.

Mom have tried so hard to encourage me back into faith in God and not fall a victim to Devil's lies.

Dad was right with her trying in his own way to get me back into sensible reality.

Joan and Pastor Charles have been praying hard for me I know as well.

 

It was yesterday.

professor,

I am so very not good at anything.

I run away from our dogs even at times because I can't manage them.

and yesterday it oddly struck me how I am such a loser now.

and I wanted to do better.

I found I had pride left in myself.

I found I wanted to do better and improve and be good at things once more.

Then I found vigor and desire to live again.

But it is different though than just previously in myself.

I had read a chapter titled Fear in Paul Tournier's the strong and the weak.

and I realized and saw and felt I could work for God now.

Not to be good at work solely or be better than anyone but work good for Him.

To make Him glad.

I felt I could straighten up again.

THat I could attempt and succeed at being good at things again.

and not simply be mired in fear.

I felt I could live on with courage and vigor and will.

 

This morning, dad suddenly asked me to look at him.

Several times.

Then he remarked to mom 유진이가 청승맞은 표정이 조금 사라진 것 같지 않어?

 

I can separate the real person you from the voice you that had been invading my life all this time.

I prayed that I might be able to study again if it is God's will.

But I think God has turned me away from intellectual work and career to one that cares for people in direct.

It must be my calling so I will follow and will attempt.

I have yet to start studying nursing in full.

but I have hopes to write a book someday.

and I have hopes to keep reading and keep myself informed at least somewhat in field of literature and philosophical contents someday.

But all this will be upto Him, my God, our God in Heaven and who is with us this very moment.

 

 

I want to apologize for paining you for so long.

I was not considerate.

I was incapable of being considerate truly to people.

Now I hope I will learn to be.

 

Professor,

I hope you are well and happy.

 

I am so sorry about messing up so far.

I pray that I will be able to live a life worthy of His Love for the rest of my life.

 

My mom has asked me to do a work.

And again I found myself grimacing.

It is dire but there is hope still.

I will pray and keep working at it.

 

Professor,

I love you.

And I ask forgiveness for all the confusion that i have caused you for this past twenty years.....

Sincerely,

You Gin Chung