Self independence badly needed Friday, October 23, 2020 10:05 AM

Self independence badly needed

Friday, October 23, 2020

10:05 AM

Lord God,

 

Ephesians 2:10

 

I am so meagre yet so proud, Lord.

 

I have so many problems, Lord.

 

 

I am so sorry, Lord Jesus, for messing up all the time.

Please don't give up on me.

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

 

1:57pm

 

We disposed the dead birds this noon.

 

There was a work point mom pointed out to me during the process.

 

I threw away the dirty water poured into a bucket into the ditch.

I brought the empty bucket back.

I placed it upside down in the front of the lined buckets already washed where it was closest to mom so the bottom could be washed because we wash the inside then the second time the borrom and the sides of the buckets..

Mom pointed out it would have been better if I had placed it on the furthest line so the dirty water won't be sprayed onto the already washed buckets.

 

I also need to make a mental note of washing my hands after touching the dogs and not just directly putting the fingers onto my eyes to clean them of eye bugars.

 

Also I need to make a mental note to bring a mask whenever I go out and put it on whenever I step out of the car.

I must also not forget to bring my cell phone whenever I make an outing.

 

I am trying to think more as I read the textbook.

 

 

I will not purchase another item from amazon until I get an iphone or an android.

It causes problems because amazon do not send code numbers anymore for identity confirmation but requires a website click confirmation which is impossible to do on my phone.

That was a cause for my mess up in revealing unnecessary info to the company that led to my credit card exposure.

Both of my credit card information has leaked and the banks are giving me new cards.

 

In cases when I get muddled because something can't be done properly, maybe I should take a moment and relieve the frustration and try to think clearly and not get mired up in the frustration.

I can always spare a moment and if something is not going through and it is not mandatory then maybe I should allow myself to feel unobsessed and let things be called off if necessary.

But vital information is vital and should not be exposed.

 

 

 3:05pm

 

I do small tasks.

I make myself do at least small tasks and I am slowly getting on.

 

I thank the Lord.

 

우리는 그의 만드신 바라. 예수 그리스도 안에서 선한 일을 위하여 지으심을 받은 자니

 

I forgot to take off the snout cover of the teakettle that I put on the stove for casseo tea.

Mom had turned off the fire for me.

I must put it away.

I will go down now.

 

 

Dad had loosened the staples on the other side quite a bit.

I meant to finish the rest of the way but after pulling out some more I found dad did the rest.

Next time I will bring a wrench and start pulling out the staples.

 

 

I scraped some pine needles off the driveway and sweeped the sidewalk in front of our house.

 

Then I came in.

It isn't a whole lot but I do this and that and try to keep myself busier than usual.

 

 

3:30pm

 

I found that I had left the house broom in the swimming pool shed after doing a small cleanup about two weeks ago.

I had forgotten to bring it out and return it to its original spot where it is kept.

Must do a better job of doing clean up after completing a task.

 

 

 

 

 

Lord Jesus,

You grant me this small hope.

 

Lord, Do you think I will be able to look at you and find hope even in the face of direst situation someday?

Knowing you and trusting you.

And resolving to meet death if nothing avails and conceding that that too would be your most loving grace.

Lord, I am weak.

I am most weak.

I have strayed perhaps because I didn't want to face reality as it was and I didn't live right, Lord.

Lord, I am wicked and proud and most lazy.

Lord Jesus,

You are my only hope.

Cleanse me and make me new again.

Guide me towards your purpose of your creation and let me love you in truth and in honesty and in verity.

Lord Jesus.

I thank you and believe you for giving me hope.

Please forgive my unbelief.

I thank you, Lord, rather cautiously but this should not be.

I thank you, Lord Jesus.

Forgive me for not having done my part in following you till now.

I do hope that now I truly am on the path of following you, Lord Jesus!

I truly do!

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

 

Lord Jesus,

Please forgive me for my doubts.

After all that you have shown me.

Lord Jesus, I love you.

I have no where to lean on but you, Lord Jesus.

Lord Jesus,

Please let my unbelief change that to a deep and indwelling faith of my soul and spirit that resounds of honest genuine love for you, Lord Jesus.

 

Lord Jesus,

Please hold me in your arms and never let me go, Lord Jesus.

 

I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.

 

11:40pm

 

I watched Call the Midwife season 3 episode either 3 or 4.

 

Sister Julienne tried so hard to help an inmate patient.

It was beyond moving me.

It made me think.

 

I wondered if I could do so.

 

Then I remembered how I tried at RI.

 

 

It is funny isn't it?

I was so wrecked and so unworthy enough to be thrown aside by God a few days ago even and now I am grandizing myself.

 

 

It is God's grace that I can live now this very moment in this sanity, in this calm.

It is truly His Grace.